Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.
MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.18.5b
Strength is the ability to keep hold of one’s emotions. It is infinitely more civil and gentle to be more human rather than less, and therefore manlier. A person who can control their emotions has courage and endurance, unlike those who are dragged by their emotions.
Frame your thoughts like this—you are an old person, you won’t let yourself be enslaved by this any longer, no longer pulled like a puppet by every impulse, and you’ll stop complaining about your present fortune or dreading the future.
MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 2.2
We find ourselves perpetually swayed by our emotions – rather, we should think of ourselves as Marcus Aurelius does – with a fleeting life, and prioritize from there. When we see our emotions as another thing under our control, we gain the ability to stop complaining about the present and dreading the future.
When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn’t wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?”
EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.13.1
Anxiety is the result of wanting something to happen outside of our control – whether it be the weather to change, the markets to change, or the world to be safer for our children. It is important in those situations to ask if our anxiety is doing us any favors – is it beneficial for us, or another hinderance in the sea of distraction?
Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.
EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 1.18.21
Many people are tripped up by emotional attacks – they don’t consider how their emotions might change their response, and they fall for provocation. A professional is able to take every question with humor, poise, and patience – they are never tripped up, but unflinching and resolute. Strive to be like that.
Don’t be bounced around, but submit every impulse to the claims of justice, and protect your clear conviction in every appearance.
MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.22
It is important to submit every impulse to the claims of justice. Some people can’t do that, and every day of theirs is a manic high or low. Every day is an adventure, and draining – they find it hard to filter their experience through a lens of reason. They have no principles with which to guide them, and are lost every day.
I don’t agree with those who plunge headlong into the middle of the flood and who, accepting a turbulent life, struggle daily in great spirit with difficult circumstances. The wise person will endure that, but won’t choose it—choosing to be at peace, rather than at war.
SENECA, MORAL LETTERS, 28.7
We always have a bias to action, even when inaction is the right choice. Some people want to plunge headlong into the middle of the action, to accept more turbulence in their life instead of less, and struggle greatly in their life for no benefit. The wise person will endure it when given the chance, but won’t choose it – trying to set their soul at peace, rather than war.
Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate.
SENECA, OEDIPUS, 992
Many people are handicapped by what they think, rather than reality: They think that something is going wrong, so their beliefs reinforce what they see, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is important to have realistic expectations, and to detach them from yourself when they start to betray you.